Dusty Muffins

(originally written 01.23.13. Edited and supplemented 01.25.13.)

*At first, I had thought that I had just found a copy of Carrier Strike! that was complete, even though it was 36 years old. Mind you, the box has seen better days (it's got some water damage and a couple of split corners). It wasn't like the copy of Amoeba Wars that I also saw on this trip, that, while unpunched, was actually moldy inside the box. Anyway, after checking the piece count while still at the store, I was just happy to see that it was all there. But, upon further examination once I got it home, I discovered that it wasn't just complete, it hadn't even been completely assembled or punched yet. That makes it doubtful that it had ever been played. A 36 year old board game that had never been completely assembled, much less played. Freakin cool. Well worth the $20 I spent on it, in my opinion. When I checked it further, I found that not only had the planes not been assembled or stickered completely, neither had the carriers. It actually looked like the ships may have been put together and then disassembled, since the pins that held the superstructure to the deck were half broken off. Luckily, I have glue. As far as the planes go, I was actually thinking about trying to give them a bit of a paint job, rather than just those colored stickers on the wings.

But then I got to thinking. What had actually happened to cause this game to end up in my hands, unplayed, after all those years? Some unexpected tragedy, perhaps? Was it a gift that simply held no interest for the recipient? Did it somehow find its way into the back of a closet where it was forgotten over the years? How many hands has it passed through in all that time? Interesting to think about.

*I think I will give starting my own forum in the Black Lagoon a try. I've got a Flickr account for all the images to embed, so why shouldn't I? I mean aside from the fact that I already have more than enough stuff to do with what little free time I have. But then again, games are something that are very meagerly represented among the islands of the FOM.

*There doesn't seem like there's going to be much free time on my day off. Errands and chores are demanding most all of my time. I'm thinking that what could be at least a partial solution to that is to drag the office desk out into the middle of the yard and set it on fire. Nothing like a nice cheery fire on a cold winter day, right?

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*Do I want to go to Hawaii or Easter Island? Either way, it will most likely be a once in a lifetime trip. The Easter Island trip would be something we'd have to decide on in the next couple of weeks, and it wouldn't happen until 2014. I believe that it's a cruise, as well. Hawaii we were hoping for this year. No way we could do both. Might be a stretch just to do one of them.

*Seems fairly obvious now that finding, meeting, and getting to know my mom has really sent my brain reeling. Actually, that is probably a gross understatement. Actually, I don't think I should have used the word 'probably in the previous sentence. I have no idea how deeply this has affected me. And there is a boatload more backstory yet to be told. Not to mention the other half of my genetic makeup. Pretty much all the stuff that's been discussed so far has been pretty low key, and it's still managed to mess up my thoughts on levels I'm not completely aware of. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this would all alter my sense of self. I don't even know if "alter" is the right word. What if this is a reconfiguration of some sort? Should this even affect me at that level? I know there's still an emotional component that hasn't been accessed yet. Don't know if I'm going to be willing to put down that protective layer of mine. Does that mean I'm somehow stunted? And if so, is it to a greater or lesser degree than the average person? Maybe all these years of not knowing built my sense of self with that kernel of uncertanity at it's core. Maybe I'm tired of being this person. Maybe all this stuff with mom is making me see that I could be something else. Maybe something more? Maybe it's all just starting to crack around me. Maybe it was always cracked and I didn't want to acknowledge it. Can I just throw off/away most of the past and head out in a new direction? Is that the direction I've really wanted to go in, but wouldn't? What happens if I don't? What happens if I do? What's going to inspire me? What if it all just starts and ends in Pekin?

It's these storms of thought that leave me tired. Really tired. And when they pass, I have no clearer sense of direction than I did before they hit.

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