*The new dishwasher has been installed. Yay. Our bank account is proportionately lighter for it. Boo. It is really quiet, though. Yay. But it's a dishwasher. Boo.
*(this space intentionally left blank)
*Archer season 3? Loved it.
does seem to be a definite "bounce" for me following a depressive
episode. I'm not sure what exactly causes that to happen. Would that be
considered the same as "having a moment of clarity"? It's not like I'm
skipping off the walls or anything, but things do seem like they have a
more positive spin. But if time and experience is any indicator, this
corrosive, insidious, cumulative depression will start digging away at
my mind again without me even realizing it. Maybe Erin is right and I've
been misdiagnosed or am just not on the right medication, or even the
right dose. Or, maybe everything is where it should be and there's just
something else. Some lurking shadow. Some poison thought. Could be
something that I am well aware of and either don't want to deal with, or
can't. Something is undermining the treatment program for my
depression. Is it a self-destructive urge with roots reaching into far
corners that I'm not aware of? Maybe I just don't want to be getting my
attention in the same way my old family did. What is it? Do I think, or
maybe feel, that I don't deserve to be happy? Then again, is it even
reasonable to think you can spend all of your time happy? How do you
play off logic and emotion against each other? The quest for balance
continues. Some of the old stuff has dropped away, but I'm not sure if
that means I'm moving forward or just standing still. But there is that
clarity of general vision for the moment. I don't know how to build up
the momentum, though. Guess it was sorta wrong for me to assume that a
mild winter would moderate my symptoms. So, even though I got a little
further through the calendar than usual, I still bottomed out. Have to
start all over in the middle of January now. Just that thought drains me
a little. And the weather guy says the real winter weather is on it's
way. Shit timing for me. Not quite sure how to get out from under that.
Just thinking about it makes me tired in my bones. And that's when I can
feel it starting to take hold again.
*No Zombie Dice at
New Game in Town. Dammit. Maybe Just For Fun will have some in stock. I
will admit, though, that it was a pleasant flashback to walk into the
store last night and listen to the folks playing D+D. Or maybe it was
Pathfinder. Can't be sure. There was a giant leech involved though.
doing some preliminary searching online, there doesn't really seem to
be a whole lot of real estate in the Peoria area that would suit us
well. And I'm not real sure that I want to be working in Galesburg.
It'll be interesting to see what Michelle has to say on the topic next