Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Pancho Rigatoni Sings the Greatest Hits of Boxcar Willie

*Today's lucky numbers are 8, 3, 9, 0, 4, 1, 5, 2, 7, and 6, as well as any possible combination or permutation thereof.

*Today's Horoscope: You will waste your time reading a horoscope today.

*It really didn't seem that cold today. At least, from inside the house in the sunny spot next to the heating vent with the dog on my lap, it seemed like it could be somewhat tolerable outside. But then, being the idiot that I am, I actually went outside for reasons that now seem deep in the realms of the ridiculous. And then the wind hit me. Well, it wasn't so much that it hit me as it was that it forcibly stabbed it's way into each and every orifice and pore in, on, and in the immediate vicinity of my body. Then I realized how freaking cold that wind actually was, since I am indeed a genius when it comes to the blatantly obvious, and since it was somehow managing to bypass each and every single article of clothing I had on in a moderately successful attempt to flash freeze my pancreas. I must say that my pancreas was not amused by this in the least. It was that kinda wind that when it hits your face you get an instant headache, as if all that cold air, and even winter itself, was trying to force it's way into your skull just so it would have a place it could warm up for a while. Yup. Just loving that.

*Nope. Never really been a fan of radishes.

*Tinkering with the idea of getting a small wind turbine. Got a good place to put it, but the real question is how long it would take to recoup the cost of the unit and the installation in electricity costs. Guess the fact that a lot of southern DeKalb county is covered with windmills would be a favorable indicator for this type of thing being a good idea in this geographic area. Beyond that, haven't done a whole lot of research on it yet.

*Interesting. Leprosy in and of itself doesn't make any of your body parts fall off. Good to know.

*Fuck whatever tiny handed, pencil necked, sadist engineer that designed the headlight assembly of my otherwise awesome car! Fuck that whole knuckle shredding, razor and barbed wire lined, flesh eating, gateway to the 87th level of hell's south forty that holds the bulb in it's bloodthirsty, dirt and grease caked grasp! I have no idea what micro-fingered fantasy creature the whole thing was designed to be serviced by, but they sure as hell don't exist on this or any other conveniently accessed parallel dimension! What am I supposed to do, use my super secret shrink ray to make my hand small enough to fit in there? Maybe I should genetically design and train a bunch of special magic headlight bulb replacing commando weasels to do the job and then sell their services to people all around the world with normal sized hands?? Wait....it says what in the owner's manual? The end of the air intake just pops right off right behind the headlight? Seriously?? Well, shit. That's tons easier with that off......now why don't you just shut up and pass the damn Band-Aids...


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