Thursday, October 16, 2008

Reflection

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: Sleeping Dogs and Bitter Pills

In which our hero mopes a little more.

[Saturday afternoon, October 4th, Metamora, IL]

"I seem to have gained nothing from turning over rock here. It does seem oddly appropriate that I am here reliving all this stuff as alone as I was when I was growing up here."

This was only partly a mope. I had driven through a couple of parts of town, and for such a nice day, it seemed oddly empty. The section of town where I used to live seemed to be falling into decline, further adding to the sense of, for lack of a better word, 'wrongness'.

As for my being alone most of the time, well, I was about 8 hours from getting some insight into that issue. As far as the past went, I never quite fit in then, either. And, as a child I didn't have the confidence in myself or the strength of character to stand as an individual apart from the group. Even though I found interactions with my peers to be boring/uninteresting, I still craved the acceptance of the group. That whole dynamic of wanting to be part of, yet not really getting anything form the group has followed me for many years.

No comments: